Modern marriage is a topic that is troubling to me, especially now. I was raised in a family that believed that divorce was just not an option; there is nothing that could possibly happen within a true relationship that should ever call for divorce. If you made the jump with someone, you made sure this was the person you were going to be with for the rest of your life and you trust that person will stay by you. If I’m not mistaken, the recent percentage of failed marriages is at least 50%, and sadly many people, including my family, are becoming or have become part of that percentile. As time goes on, there seem to be so many more ways that infidelity can happen in marriages, including the pressures of social networking. Websites give people who are in struggling marriages an outlet to meet other people and begin a secret cyber relationship with a perfect stranger. Marriages are also on the rocks due to the financial crisis we have in the country; I know personally, my parents used to fight all the time about money, and I know the money situation puts strain on a lot of people and their relationships, whether some aren’t working enough to support the family or even working too much and not having enough time to spend with their families.
Other times, people just aren’t happy for whatever reason keep it bottled in, refusing to deal with it and can lash out in many different ways. This story seems to portray conflict between two marriages. Bobinot seems to show little concern for Calixta during the storm as he claims that she will be fine as the storm passes. Calixta does show concern for Bobinot as she looks out at the destructive storm, but seems to forget her concern while she is with Alcee. They both seem to put on a front for one another upon Bobinot’s return; while Calixta expresses her relatively short-lived concern, Bobinot begins apologizing for not being there with her. Alcee also puts on a front in the letter he writes to his wife about how much he misses her. Little did Alcee knew, Clarisse was enjoying the freedom she felt from being out of the environment of married life and was in no hurry to come back to him. The infidelity and unhappiness within the marriages is kept under wraps, which is the case of many modern marriages. I think this is the silent killer of many marriages today. Many people get marriage very young without truly knowing the person they just committed the rest of their lives to. Once this sets in, the silent killer begins to plague marriages and drive them to end. I’ve seen this in many situations; marriage doesn’t seem to have the same meaning and significance anymore, many people just see it as a piece of paper that keeps two people together. The love and devotion that is associated with marriage seems to be absent now, replaced with pure lies and deception.
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I totally agree with your opinion that marriage used to be something that meant “for life”, now it does seem that social networking sites and all the other outlets that people have give them excuses to give up on their marriages. I do not however think, that people should stay together to matter what, there are some cases in which marriage is actually more harmful and should not be continued. In the story it does seem that each person is hiding their true motives and needs from their spouse, and I agree that in “modern” marriages, many live the same life. Many give up their goals when they get married or they try to be exactly what their spouse wants and this only leads to dissatisfaction and in many cases, such as in the story, this dissatisfaction leads to infidelity and ultimately divorce. Calixta seems the most happy in the story, but also the most dissatisfied, she seemed happy with both her husband and Alcee, but this fact seemed to suggest that she really is not happy because how can anyone be truly satisfied living two lives. She has her normal married life, but as alluded to in the story she is basically having an affair with Alcee. So, as in many marriages, I think people not only try to change who they are but they also lead lives that do not always mesh with their values.
ReplyDeleteI do think that marriage in this day an age is just something to do, like “gosh I am so bored, babe should we get married, umm sure, ok.” Maybe that is an exaggeration however I know four couples who are all getting married this year, and they are all under 21 years of age. I am defiantly not the type who would be happy just being married and having children I need more, which is why I am in school. However I get that some people want to be a wife and a mother, its very respectable. I just feel that when you are so young you can not understand or grasp the concept of FOREVER! In my opinion I think that people do not marry for love anymore, it is usually for convenience, financial reasons, or because there is a child involved. I am a hopeless romantic so I do believe in true love and I hope that when get married it will be because I am madly, deeply, truly in love. I take marriage very seriously and I wish that the rest of the world felt as strongly about it. I can relate to you when you said your parents always fought over financial issues. My parents go at it everyday about money this and money that. However, at the end of the day they can just laugh it off because they truly love each other. I know that I am very blessed that my parents are still together since the odds are defiantly against them. I hope that the sanctity of marriage comes back.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your blog, I like your take on things. I completely agree, it seems like marriage is no longer seen as a for life thing. People do not seem to care anymore if they get divorced, it is almost expected, not frowned upon or a big deal. Instead they just accept it as what happens, and go on to their next relationship. I think you are right that sometimes people do get married too soon, without really getting to know the other person. Because of this, it ends up that the person they are with is not right for them, and so they just get a divorce and move on. I hate how light and whimsical relationships can be anymore, that people say they love someone within days, get married in months, and yet they do not even know the person. Like you said, the deception seems to play a larger part in the game than love does anymore.
ReplyDeleteI agree that marriage and divorce are taken too lighlty in our society these days. People view it as a game or as you said a peice of paper. They think I can get married and if it doesn't work out I can get a divorce. They think very selfishly and put their own wwell being over others. Our world today has become one where you must fend for yourself, because people will back stab you and act as though you should have been expecting it. Yet, in marriage it is different you take an oath under God and in front of people to always love,cherish, and take care of this person no matter what. So many people do not do this, and have no intention to from the get go. Marriage is used for so many things besides what it should be used as today. When you're married you are not just two people in a relationship anymore, you can't just split up or leave when one or both of you are unhappy. You have to become one, to learn to compromise, sacrifice, and put others feelings before your own, and if you can't do this you will never be able to make it. People, especially young adults and teens these days don't think about the long run for marriage, they only see how they feel now and think lets get married, and many end up unhappy and divorced. I think it is very important to think about every aspect of a relationship and person before you marry them,to spend a lot of time with them so you know who they are and if it is really what you want, otherwise you will probably end up unhappy.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your blog this week, and I’m not just saying to make Jennifer happy. I definitely think that marriage is a loose term nowadays (I feel so old when I say that word lol). People rush into marriage because of that initial stage of infatuation when you first enter into a relationship with someone you are extremely attracted to. I hate to use this example because it’s so basic, but it seems that celebrities are the foundation of this idiotic behaviour. Every month, a celebrity couple announces their engagement, and every month they announce their separation. It seems that marriage is something people do for fun now. It’s almost like a sport to see how many men you can rack up. It’s sad that the true meaning of marriage is diluted by this overly rushed sense of it being a necessity and by the dishonesty in many marriages. I agree that being dishonest with a spouse is a death wish for your marriage. I think that people rush into marriage and then figure out that they guy they married is still wanting to be single and free. There’s your bomb right there. Modern marriage is not as pure as it used to be.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I agree with you. Good blog!!! In my family it is the same thing. My family is all about having your husband be there no matter what. Like for me this is just with me being in a relationship my parents will not a boyfriend till I have been with them for a long time. They do not want to be meeting guy after guy and having them say who what happen to this guy or this guy. I can only imagine once I am married. But it is true there are so many people who get married and do not stay together. Some of my aunts have got divorce after divorce and they think it is almost okay now. It is crazy how no one stays together anymore. I do agree when you said about the websites meeting new people. I have seen that like many times. It is no surprise about that one. Money problems are also an issue. There are so many issues because some people turn to alcohol and some have to sell drugs. I seen that happen in some marriages because there are no jobs to take. I think some people who are my age I see a lot of them getting married and for some reason it is like a game. Like they wake up one morning and say oh honey lets get married. Like there is no problem to it. Modern marriages to me at times are a joke because half my friends that have got married do not stay together because they think “I did not have fun so now I want a divorce” I say if your going to get married let it be with someone you know you will stay with.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your blog. It is good to see that you are not afraid of sharing your views on things, even though they may seem rather old fashioned to many these days. I also look at marriage as a life commitment. Not something that a person can just jump in and out of. It really is alarming when you think about the incredibly high divorce rate that we have today. And the sad thing to me, is that it really doesn’t bother a lot of people. That’s pretty interesting, I was unaware of that website to meet other people while they are struggling in their marriages. I wonder what makes some people think that they can do better in another relationship, when they can’t seem to get along with the person they vowed their love to however many years before. I just find marriage to be such a serious commitment, and something that really shouldn’t rushed into. Because rushing into things, and not really knowing the person as best as you can, can lead to so many problems in the future. And divorce causes so much hurt and heartache. Not just to the couple, but especially to the children if there are any involved. I think that one of the keys to successful marriages is selflessness, and more of this shown can lead to longer and happier marriages.
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